If I turned the clock back.....
I didn't want you there. I didn't want to share. I liked it just being me. You weren't in my plan. I wanted my mom to myself.
I disliked you so much to the point of hate. God had other plans for us though.
It was soccer season again and it was made very clear we were to be on separate teams because we didn't get along.
Some how we ended up on the same team. We learned to work together as teammates which turned into working together as friends and then as sisters. We became best friends and we inseparable.
We experienced everything together. You were the one I told all my secrets to. We would lay on our beds one of us upside down and laugh till our stomachs hurt because of how are faces looked upside down. No one else understood it but us. We planned our futures together of being hairstylists on cruise ships and opening a cafe with a skate park inside. We wanted to go to military school together and pretended for weeks we really were there! You taught me to dance and roller blade. We liked the same boy forever and talked of our dream guys we would marry. We said we would always be together.
You were the one I told about my first kiss and I for you. We held each other when we were hurting. I fell so in love with you as my bosom friend.
We never shared clothes or shoes but we shared our intermost desires.
I always wanted a little sister and God gave me you. I might not have been bigger than you in size but I was your big sister:)
You were there the day I said 'I Do' to my first love and you were the only one who could help me make it through some of the worst moments when I lost that love. You took care of me and kept me safe when I was wandering. I was there beside you the day you said 'I Do'. We may have grown distant during that time but I never stopped loving you and wishing you and I were the way we used to be.
You were there when I said 'I Do' the second time to my soulmate (even if you were barefoot)!
You were there the day I brought my angel into this world and I watched you fall in love with her the way I did.
I have always looked up to you for being so strong and making it through everything you have.
You saved me from making so many mistakes and you helped save my marriage.
I never ever thought 'what if you never existed?' Not until now.
What if I didn't have all those memories?
What would my life look like?
It would have been so empty.....the way it feels now without you. You have just left! Without saying goodbye. I miss you so much and wonder if I will ever see you again. Will I ever get answers to questions I have? Will my little girl who adores you so ever truly know you the way I do?
I want you back in the worst way. You will always be my sister and I will always love you.
