Part 6

NOT a dream!!!!! This is reality. Eyes still swollen....head pounding....weak body.



Today was the viewing. The viewing of my once alive husband.



The day I had to stand before tons of people , some who hardly even knew him, and watch as they cried.

My best friend's husband got in that morning. Honestly I don't know what we would have done without him!!!! He definitely was our stability. It must have been the Marine coming out of him. lol

So we got ready and headed over to my in laws. Almost every family member was there. Everyone hugged and cried. Some laughed in conversation.......How could anyone be laughing at a time like this????????? I kept asking myself.

It was time.....I didn't want to go. Going meant it was real.

I hadn't seen him since the hospital. I was as nervous as I was when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I walked through those doors feeling so weak. It was so quiet.

I was given the opportunity to go see him alone before everyone got there. I was so scared to walk in there. My mom went in with me and we cried together, we just stared. Noticing how different he looked. It wasn't him. He was gone. He was in a better place and I can't even tell you how evident it was just by looking at him. It was just a body that looked like him.

The funeral director did a really nice job on his makeup and everything but his lips didn't look like his lips anymore. They just looked like wax. He had dark circles under his eyes from having head trauma and his hands...oh his hands. He always had very strong hands, they weren't fat but they were full. Well not that day, not anymore. They were so small that his wedding ring didn't even fit anymore.

Once I was ready my mom left me alone with him. I had written him a letter. I read it to him as if he were really listening. I honestly don't even remember everything I wrote but I know it said things about my love for him and how I missed his touch, his smell, his kiss, and just him! I told him I was trying to be strong but I how weak I felt. When I was done I tucked it in right next to him where no one else would be able to find it. Then I just sat...sat right next to him and waited for him to just move....just a little please!!!! I talked, I cried, I got angry, I laughed, and cried some more.

People started showing up. They all gathered inside. I stood next to his parents up at the front next to the casket. They formed lines to give their condolences.

I felt like a ghost standing there. Barely anyone acknowledged me. It was as if I didn't even exist. All I heard were people telling his parents how sorry they were that they lost their son. Um....HELLO...what about me!!! I lost him too you know. The man that made me whole, the one who protected, loved me, made fun of me. Don't I count?????? I just wanted to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After what felt like hours it was time to go home. Another good friend of mine drove in to see me and be with me. We talked alone for a while and she gave me the news that she was getting a divorce. Just what i needed at a time like this.

I was so exhausted that I actually slept quite well that night.

~~~~~*~~~~~

Today was the funeral. The day it was all going to be over for good. The day I put him in the ground forever.

My best friend did my hair for me. I wanted to look beautiful...for him. I wore the black sweater that he bought me for my only birthday that we celebrated together and a black skirt with red roses on it that was his favorite. I know Christians don't believe you should wear black to a funeral because you should be rejoicing that they are in a better place, but I was NOT rejoicing at all. I didn't want him to be in heaven yet. We were going to go together in our sleep when we got old. So yes I wore black because I was mourning, not happy in any way!

I have to share this because it was so precious. My mom probably won't appreciate it but she will understand. We were all ready to go and my mom came in my room to put her shoes on or something and looked in the mirror and then looked at me with a blank stare. "I can't wear this!!!!" "How awful of me!!!" she said crying. "Why mom?" "What is wrong with what your wearing?" I asked. "It's purple...purple...he hated purple!" "I'm such a horrible person," she added. "Mom it's ok, he won't even care." I tried to reassure her it was ok but she ended up changing. (He really did hate purple though)lol

We drove to the funeral home...again. I was so ready to be done with that place.

When we got there, there were so many people. I didn't know hardly any of them. A lot of people came from the college he had gone to and then there were family friends that I hadn't met yet.

As I walked in the door I was directed to a room that was filled with faces and uniforms that were so familiar and comforting. The room was full of his friends from his duty station. I felt so blessed and special that they all travelled from Kansas to Missouri just for Matt. I thanked each and every one of them personally and we all hugged and cried together.

Now it was time to see the person that I longed to see but also procrastinated seeing because I knew how hard it was going to be.....Matt's best friend. As soon as I saw him I just clung to him with his arms around me. His face was full of sadness and shock. He didn't even want to look at Matt. It was just too hard.

After everyone was seated I took my seat up front where everyone could see me. I cried through the whole thing. It was like an out of body experience.

When it was over they started to excuse everyone and told me I could have one more moment before they closed the casket. They handed me his Bible and his wedding ring then I went up and just stared, I really couldn't believe that this was the last time I was ever going to look at his face or touch his body. And then I just lost it. I started sobbing and I just fell on him and gripped his clothing. I didn't want to let go, i didn't want close this part of my life forever. NO...NO....NO...NO.....please just come back....that's all I could say. I finally collapsed and my best friend's husband was there to catch me. He pretty much carried out of the room. I was just so weak I felt like I could die right there.

They had a limo waiting outside for us. They shut down the roads just for us and we had a police escort. It was very special.

We pulled up to the grave and everyone was already waiting for us. As I got out of the limo it started to snow. It was as if the angels were weeping with us. It snowed from the beginning of the graveside service to the end.

I took my seat inside the tent they had set up for family, and the pastor said a few words and then everyone started to sing his favorite hymn. It was beautiful. The harmony was amazing. They all sang just for him. Then it was time for the military portion. The hardest part for me.

The trumpet played, then they fired their rifles (which I can't even tell how that feels) then they folded his flag. It was the saddest part of the whole thing I think. We all know marines are supposed to be strong and emotionless but not today.....as they folded that flag tears just streamed down their faces. They weren't just folding a flag for anyone it was their friend, their fellow marine, one of their brothers. He handed me the flag just as you see in movies and said words to me that were only meant for he and I to hear. He saluted and then walked back to his post. I held onto that flag with so much pain and love. That was all I had left of my marine. (It now rests in a beautiful case my grandparents had made for me last Christmas.)

It was time to lower him down and let me tell you he put up a fight!!!!lol He was always so stubborn and that day was no different.

Its done....he is laid to rest.

We all left and headed to the church for a "potluck" in which I ate no food. I sat there and watched as people talked and caught up on life and laughed. Everyone still had a life to talk about.....people getting married, graduating college, having babies, going on trips and me.....well I just sat on my mom's lap and thought about what I wouldn't have, the babies, the trips, the memories.

Again that day left me completely exhausted and I fell right to sleep that night.

The next day brought a whole other journey. I had to get an attorney to try to sue the company that killed my husband. We drove all the way to St. Louis and met with someone who would later drop my case and fall off the face of the planet!

The day after that I headed back to California with my family.

..........................Part 7 shortly....................................

Part 5

I see my father-in-law coming out and there is an unfamiliar face walking behind him.


"What is going?" I was thinking to myself.


So he walks up to us and is just shaking his head and starts crying.....he puts his arms around us and then she starts crying. Me: still trying to figure out what is going on!


Why is everyone crying????? I just wanted to see my husband!


Little did I know the man walking behind Matt's dad was the coroner who also happened to be my sister-in-law's boyfriend's dad, hence the reason everyone was crying.


They knew. Knew life would never be the same now.


But i didn't. I had no idea what was going on at that moment.


As I pulled away my dad-in-law said he didn't make it. He's gone.


The mother of her child starts sobbing in disbelief.


"Four months, that's all I got, four months," were the first words out of my mouth.


Shock, denial, disbelief, anger, sadness, and every other emotion imaginable came out of us.


It took me 45 minutes to cry. My first reaction which is going to sound horrible was laughing. That's all I could get to come out.


Now what was I going to do. I was a widow at 19 and didn't have anything.



"I want to know everything!" I said to the coroner.



"The machine your husband was working on malfunctioned and flew out and hit him in the head causing him to also fly backwards onto the ground. The piece of machinery that hit him cut the main artery on his brain and killed him instantly," were the words he told me.



I called my parents. Still unable to cry. My parents didn't believe me, it had to be a joke right. NO not a joke at.


My husband was gone! Just like that gone. No more kisses, no more hugs, no special moments, no more I love yous, no more memories to make.


There was not going to be a future, no children, no "plans", no happily ever after.


I had just been robbed of my life, my whole being.


Nobody asked me what I wanted or if this was ok with me.



My mom told me I needed to tell my sister. The person that held all my secrets. The one who was always there for me through everything.


"I'm so so so sorry sister," she said to me.


"You have to be strong for you and for Matt."


"You know he wouldn't want you to be sad, you know he would want you to think about all your happy memories and the love you shared," she continued.

It wasn't till I spoke to her that i cried. I cried and cried and sobbed.

I now had to make the decision whether or not I was going to go back and see him. They told me they had cleaned him up and covered the injury.

Do I really want to see him though? Do I want to keep the last memory of his face from earlier that evening and let it be or do I say my last goodbye to my one and only?

My sister urged me to see him so I would have closure. So I did.

As I walked out of the little grieving room I was shaking, nauseated, and weak.

"Will you stay on the phone with me?" I asked my sister.

"Of course I will," she said.

"I won't leave your side."

So I walked down the hall and into a white room with a curtain concealling the bed which my beloved lay.

Then I saw him laying there so peaceful with his eyes closed. He had to just be sleeping right?

So touched him. I grazed my hand along his cold cheek. I laid my head on his chest to hear his strong heart beat, but there was nothing, not a sound. No movement at all.

I kissed him all over and felt his body.

Then I just had to leave. I couldn't be in there anymore. I ran out and collapsed to the floor weeping. Why? Why? Why?

My sister-in-law helped pick me and walk me out to the lobby. There a doctor was waiting for me to sign a paper saying I was letting his body go.

"Do you want to give his organs away?" he asked me.

"Absolutely not! Don't you dare touch him!" I said angrily.

As I stood there knowing I was letting go forever I heard so much talk going on. The coroner talking to the funeral director, people on the phone telling other family members what had just happened. It was just to much.

Nobody asked me anything. I just stood there frozen and shaking. I'm sure I was white as a ghost.

It was time to leave. Leave my once breathing husband. Leaving all my dreams behind.

We drove back to his parents house. His dad went to Matt's work and got his truck and the rest of his belonging that were still there.

More phone calls were made. I had more family and friends to call and had tons of people calling me. I didn't want to talk to another soul. All I wanted to do was go find a hole and die in it.

I sat in the same spot for hours. It was so weird because I would be sitting there and would almost forget what just happened and think to myself "Matt will be getting off any minute". Then reality would hit again.

I felt like everyone was watching me waiting to see what I would do next. I had people trying to shove food down my throat. PEOPLE food was the last thing on my mind!!!!! That house had never been crazier. People coming and going left and right. Food was overflowing on the counter. Apparently that's what people do when someone dies.

I was told that at 10am I was going to the funeral home to make all the arrangements.

Jeez people he has only been dead for 8 hours!!!!!!

So I went and sat there while they showed me books of flowers and other floral arrangements.

At 19 the only floral books your supposed to be looking at are for a wedding and I had just done that four months ago right?! So why was I doing this????

Then it was on to the casket that I was to put his body in before he laid in the ground. Oh wait not just a casket but also a vault for the casket to go inside so the creatures and water and whatever else couldn't get to my husband.

I picked out a beautiful oak casket that his mom and I thought he would like the best. Sounds weird to hear about people talking about what casket there family would like right?! Yeah that's what iIthought too. Most people don't even need to talk about these things because only old people die so they already have all of this written out.

Arrangements were made, all the times were scheduled for the viewing and the funeral. We wrote the obituary and got all the military stuff set up.

I was able to get all his friends from his reserve station to drive all the way to Missouri to do his service. I was so thankful for every single one of them.

After doing all of that they asked me to bring his uniform that he would be buried in to them and underclothing and whatever else I wanted on him.

So I had to go home. To OUR home. The place we made ours.

I walked in the door and just stood there. It felt so empty. I quickly grabbed the things I needed to get out of there and left.

The rest of the day was filled with more phone calls, visitors giving there condolences, and family arranging to either fly or drive in. Again I just sat.

By evening time I figured I should try to go back to my house and shower and get clean clothes. So my sister-in-law and her boyfriend offered to take me so I wasn't alone. When we arrived there was a box sitting outside the door. I went into the house and opened it. It was from my parents. Its was the Christmas wreath that my mom told me she had made for us and a snowman making kit.

I was so angry I just threw it across the room. We weren't going to make a snowman together! Why did I need this now?!

I went into my bedroom to get my stuff to take a shower when I just collapsed on the bed and just started wailing. My sis-in-law came running in and just laid down next to me.

"shh, shh'" she said, "It's ok. Just cry."

"Its his pillow," I said. "It smells just like him. I just want him back. Please bring him back to me. I need him, I want him now!!!"

After I calmed down I went to the shower. It was really weird because I could really feel him in there. As long as my eyes were closed I could feel his presence. I just kept thinking when I opened my eyes he would be standing in front of me. But he wasn't. I was all alone.

We went back to my inlaws and just waited for my family to get in. While waiting my mom-in-law just held me in her arms like a little child. She said the closer she was to me the closer she felt to Matt. She caressed my hair and rubbed my back trying to help me get some rest. By that time my immune system had crashed and I had started to get the cold that Matt had just days before. (How nice of him to leave something behind for me)lol. So I no longer had a voice and my throat was killing me.

Finally.....I heard a door open and then voices, familiar voices. It was my mommy!!!! She came in the living room and just wrapped me up in her arms. The warmth of her made me relax for the first time all day. She was all I needed at the moment. My grandma, granny, and best friend followed in. My support team. I don't know what I would have done without them.

We all talked for a little while then decided it was time to go to my house and try to get some rest. So off to the house we went. Beds were set up, blankets laid out and it was time to sleep.

It took a while but I mom finally put me to sleep like she did when i was child. In my mind I knew when I woke life would be completely back to normal and all of this had just been a bad dream.

..................Put your bookmark in and sit tight for Part 6.................

Part 4

Well the honeymoon had to come to an end. In a sense of course!;)


So we drove back to my little town to pack up the moving truck and head east.


This was the first time that I had ever left home, so obviously it was a very emotional experience.


19 and moving away to a place where I knew no one and didn't know anything about the area, but I couldn't help but follow the man that had swept me off my feet twice to be exact! Once in our beautiful beginning and then again on our wedding day when he carried me into the carriage that he drove to the reception.





......I told you it was a fairytale......





After saying our goodbyes to my family, which let me tell was the hardest thing I had done up to that point in my life. Just one more hug, one more kiss, one more memory of your face. That's all I wanted from my family that sad/happy day.



Sad because I was leaving my family, happy because I was starting this new life with my beloved.



We were off. A day and a half later we reached our destination. We pulled in our driveway to the most adorable little duplex I had ever seen. He picked it out all by himself and he did such a good job.


....It was white with a cute little walk way. A very open grassy yard with a big tree. The inside was perfect size just for us, a newlywed couple just starting out. We loved and were so proud to call it our home.



Within an hour or two I had the kitchen completely unpacked and put away. And then a few hours later our bathroom was ready with fresh towels, toothbrushes in their holder and shampoo in the shower. I was so happy to be wife and a little homemaker. It was so fun!


A few days later we got the rest of our furniture for our quaint home (all being gently used which made it that much more cozy), and we were moved in! Life was exactly the way it should be. Hubby going to work and me at home cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and making menus and grocery lists.




Matt started working nights which meant I wasn't gonna see him very much because we needed the extra money. So he would go to work and 11 at night and come home between 6 and 7 in the morning. After a month of doing this I decided I wanted to get a job during the for a few hours while he slept so I wasn't tempted to "bother" him. So I got a little part time job at a local subway. It brought in a little extra so I felt I was helping out a little.



Being married was so fun but also very hard at times. Once a month we had to go to Matt's duty station so he could do his reserve weekend. So we would pack a bag and go away for the weekend. It was really fun. Kind of like a vacation once a month. But we had hard times too. Just starting out can be very stressful financially and let me tell you it was! We decided that it would be best if he went active in the Marine Corps instead of staying in the reserves so the "plan" was to do all the paperwork in Dec.





Another hard one is family.





He was a preacher's son from Kentucky. I was the average girl from California. We were from two different worlds. Yes we were both Christians which to me was the most important, and "we" had the same views but in between those lines we were raised different. He had no problem with it and neither did I but others did. You can imagine how that made things difficult for us at times.

For those of you who know me you know I am very outspoken and i think for myself. That's how I was raised. Well in this situation it wasn't completely accepted. Poor Matt was stuck in the middle and I hated that. He loved his family but I was his wife. It. Was. Just. Hard.

Well Sept. and Oct. came and went. It was the first time I actually experienced fall! So beautiful.

Nov. we had our Marine Corps ball and it was soooooooooooooooo much fun! He even took me to get my hair and make-up done. He was so sweet;)

We had a huge Thanksgiving weekend in Kentucky with all of his family and it was great. I learned to pigeon shoot and I tried mutton for the first time and it was so good. We really had fun. We took tons of pics with all the cousins and lots of candid shots too.

Dec. was here. Christmas time!!! We got a little tree and decorated it in our little home, put up Christmas lights, and played Christmas music every day. I even made my first apple pie and of course took pics of it and sent them to my mom. Hehe

I was so excited to go home for Christmas and see my family. The "plan" was to go to his reserve duty, sign papers, and then drive straight to my little town.

So I started planning everything out and counting down the days. In the middle of all that I quit my job because of differences with my boss that contradicted my beliefs. Oh my word I was so worried my hubby was gonna kill me but instead he just loved me!

Well we were just a few days away from leaving so his sister decided to make him his favorite meal before we left. So I went grocery shopping with her and we got all the fixins. Now I'm just guessing here cause its been so long but I think we had steak, macaroni and cheese, and a few other items.

It was our last meal with his family before out trip. We had also done Christmas with them a few days before that too. So we ate and laughed and just had a really good time. After dinner we watched a movie as a family and then said our goodbyes.

We went home and he got ready for work. I made him his lunch and his sweet tea as I always did.

For "some reason" he just didn't want to go to work that night. He kept saying, "I just don't want to go," "can't I just call in?"

Of course me being the wife I "had" to say, "no you need to go."

"Just tonight and tomorrow and then we are leaving for our vacation."

"Ok," he said.

"But you can call and tell them you are gonna be run a little late;)" I said with my eyes batting.

So he did. He called and said he would be 45 min. late.

That night was perfect! As perfect as a newlywed couple could hope. We loved each other that night like it was our "last".

"Ok I better get to work," he said as he put his boots on.

I told him I loved him as i always did and then he was off.

He walked out the door.

A minute later I remembered i forgot to tell him the little things I said.

"Be safe and I will see you in the morning."

By the time I got to the door he was gone.

Then I went in the kitchen and he had forgot his food, which was something he never forgot! He was a little piggy pig. Hehe

So I finished the laundry and put out all the cleaning supplies I was going to need the next morning to clean so our little home would be nice and fresh when we returned. It was time for me to go to bed. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I picked up my phone and decided I would call Matt just to say I love but then realized that either he wouldn't answer because it was to loud to hear anything or he would answer and not be able to hear anything. So I just went to bed and figured I would see him in the morning.

I was in such a deep slumber when all of a sudden my phone startled me with a ring.

It wasn't uncommon for it to ring in the middle of the night because on Matt's break he would call sometimes so that's who I figured it was.

"Hello," I said all groggy.

"Rhena, are you awake?" the voice said on the other end.

"Yes," I said.

"There has been as accident and they had to take Matt to the hospital," were the foggy words I heard.

"Are you serious?" I replied surprised.

"Yes I'm serious. Do you want me to come get you?" I was asked.

"Well yeah I do!" I said.

"Is he ok?" I asked.

"I don't know. They just said something happened and they needed to take him to the hospital right away. I will be there to get you in a few minutes," she said.

"Ok i will be waiting," was my reply.

"Oh my gosh, is he ok?" "Maybe a broken finger or arm, or maybe he burned himself really bad this time." "I wonder if its a really bad cut." "I hope he doesn't need surgery!" Those were all the thoughts going through my head.

I got dressed faster than I had ever dressed myself before. I checked my face and hair in the mirror quickly to make sure I wasn't going to scare anyone!

FINALLY!!!!! It seemed I was waiting for hours. (It really had only been minutes)

I got in the car and we drove speedily to the hospital. It was pretty quiet the whole way there. Really not much to say. My mother-in-law told me she had dropped Matt's dad off there first just see what had happened and so Matt wouldn't be alone.

We parked in the emergency room parking lot and quickly went inside.

I went to the desk and asked to see Matthew Payne. The woman on the other side of the counter just looked at me and then asked, "And who are you?"

"Um, I'm his WIFE!" I said back.

"Oh!" she said kind of shocked. "Just one moment," she added.

"Really! I just want to see my husband," I thought to myself.

...............And........you will just have to come back to see what happens.............

Part 3

"We are engaged!!!!!" were the words I said to my mom on the phone minutes after it happened. I was so happy, ecstatic, overwhelmed with joy, and every other emotion that comes with being engaged.


I was so happy this happened on a Saturday so I could flaunt my beautiful ring around at church the next day!! Hehe


Now the wedding planning really began! Did I mention I had already picked out my wedding dress a month earlier....me. rushing. no!!!!!!!! lol


We picked date, started calling people that meant the world to us to stand up with us on our beautiful day, picked out dresses, chose tux's, and looked through tons of magazines. I had all the flowers picked out and ordered and the church was set in stone of course. Wait......the church........we HAD the church set in stone!


I orginally wanted an outdoor garden wedding but if you know anything about where i'm from than you know that an outdoor wedding in aug. is probably not the best idea!! The weather is not the most cooperative in my small little town during that month! So my parents promised to bring the garden to me. We decided we would have it at my home church and we would make it beautiful....That was until a horrible storm came in January of 2005 and flooded the entire church leaving it not quite unsuitable for a wedding, let alone church service.


So we talked about alterative arrangements but nothing was working out. We decided to talk to pastor and see what the tentative date was for the church to be ready for use again. His goal date was May 31! Yay!!!! Church garden wedding back on! I was so excited because not only was I going to be able to get married in my church but I would be the first big occasion since the remodeling.


So the planning went on and on and on and on and.......well you get the idea. The months went by and each intracate detail fell into place. It was all to easy (most of the time). July came and Matt graduated from the school he was going to on the base which meant it was time for him to go back to his duty station. Wait.....that meant he had to leave me....which then meant I had to finish planning without him. Not that he did much but the support took the place of that. He would be back a week before the wedding!


That month seemed to be drag like no other! Would August really ever come????? Well of course it would just not fast enough.


Its finally here....the week before. He was back! aka the guy I kinda liked!!! Everything was getting crazy. Family coming in, last minute errands, more family and friends coming in, my bachelorette party ( very fun and innocent considering we were all under 21, and just wanted to have wholesome fun), last tux fitting, more way last minute errands and it went on.


Rehearsal was great. it felt so unreal. Was this really happening? Am I really getting married tomorrow? The dinner went well with only a few kinks here and there but all in all a very nice dinner.


We said goodbye as just each other's fiance for the last time and couldn't believe that the day we both had been waiting for was the next day!


Today is the day! The day I will no longer be Miss Rhena De Maio but Mrs. Rhena Payne.


First thing on the list: relaxing bath...check.


Next: hair appointment with all my girls...check.


We had so much fun just talking and giggling like little girls. I felt so close to all of them that day. They made me feel so special. By the way, that morning at the hair salon I also found out I was going to be an auntie to my dearest friends' first baby!


Hair and make-up done, tiara and veil on. Ready to go to the church!


...............I was almost late to my own wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


As soon as I got inside everyone stripped me and put me in my beautiful princess dress. Boy did I feel like a princess! I had the gloves and everything. My bouquet was out of this world gorgeous. The day was already magical and I hadn't even seen my prince yet.


Its time! Its really time! The moment I have dreamt about my whole life. With my daddy by my side we waited. Everyone walked down the aisle and then they shut the doors. There we were standing behind them when my dad and I gave each other last sweet hug before he gave me away.


The doors open, I was speechless at the sight I saw, the church looked like a story book garden brought to life and then I saw him....the man of my dreams waiting to take me as his bride, to love me, protect me, care for me til death do us part...........


We walked slowly smiling at all the guests. We made it to end, he kissed me for the last time as his little girl and then took my purity ring of my finger that he gave me years back. He put my hand in my groom's hand and let go. He gave his blessing then took his seat.


We stared into each others eyes the whole time never once thinking anything could take away our happiness. We said our vows meaning every word. We lit our candle (well tried to but it never actually lit) tying our families together for life. We sealed our vows with our first kiss as husband and wife and then were pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Payne.


We are married, really married, is what we kept saying to each other after we walked back down that aisle.


The reception was great. We mingled with everyone and I had my father/daughter dance and then we danced together as husband and wife.


My life was perfect! Nothing could ever go wrong. I was going to live happily ever after.


Our wedding night was so special. We had both saved ourselves for just each other our whole lives which made that night that much more special. Such a fairytale!


We enjoyed a wonderful little honeymoon. Everything was a surprise for me. The day after we were married he took me to see my favorite baseball team play. Then he surprised me with two full days at disneyland!!!! We stayed in an inn with an italian feel that was right across the street from the park.


Our last day we went to the beach and just relaxed. It was heaven on earth.


God knew what He was doing when brought us together to share such wonderful memories.


After a week full of fun it was time to get back to reality.


..................Part 4 will be here shortly.............................

Part 2

September 26, 2004





"Excuse me," were the words I heard. Obviously a little startled I quickly pulled my head out of my car and turned around.






"Yes," I said. "Hi, I'm Matt. I was just wondering if you knew of a place to get some food around here," was the first phrase this man ever said to me.

"Hi, I'm Rhena," I said back. I went on to tell him ALL the places we have in our tiny town, one being good ole' del taco!









"Oh ok, well my friend and I were thinking of going to get a bite to eat and were wondering if you would like to join us," he said with his cute little Kentucky accent.









"Well I would have to ask my dad (in the back of mind thinking there is NO way under any circumstance that my father will allow me to go anywhere with this marine and his friend, especially since he's a PK and we all know about pk's right?!lol) and I would have to bring my sister along," was my response.









So iI went back into the church and was going to try to go through my mom first cause we all know that if mom asks dad then maybe we will get our way!! Well my mom was in a meeting so I had to ask my dad. Well here goes nothing I thought to myself.





Me- "Daddy"




Dad- "YESSSSSSSS"




Me- "Remember that marine who was in church tonight that is a preacher's son and had a friend with him?"




Dad- "Yeah"




Me- "Well he asked me to go to dinner with him and I will take Vanessa and I won't be home late I promise cause he has a curfew, so can we go?"




Dad-.........."Sure, that's sounds good to me. Just don't be out to late.




OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He said yes, he really said yes!!! So before he changed his mind I bolted out of the church, grabbed my sis, and we were off.












So we ate, talked, laughed, talked some, laughed and giggled. We had so much in common it wasn't even funny! My sister even hit it off with his friend. (which ended a short time after that, thank the Lord)





After a couple hours of just getting to know each and having a good time, it was time to go home. I asked him if we wanted to stop by my house and meet my parents and he actually said yes! Was this really happening? I had to be dreaming right? Everything was too perfect.





He said a quick hello and then had to go so he didn't miss curfew.









After he left I was on cloud nine. I told my mom that I had met the man I was going to marry. Of course everyone including my mom thought I was crazy! If you had known me back then you would understand!!!






Little did I know Matt was back at the barracks saying the same thing! His friend that was with him that night told my sister that he was walking around calling me Rhena Payne all night!









Life was amazing! He asked me to be his girlfriend later that week and you should have seen him. He was so nervous!! Hehe









Right away we started talking about marriage and a life together. But how could we already know? Didn't it normally take months, sometimes years to know these things? God had a plan, that's all I can say.






Just about three months later in December he took me on a very sweet romantic date. First we went to a movie, then shopping, then to dinner. Dinner was good but I could tell something was up. He was acting so weird. Kind of agitated. So after dinner he said he wanted to take me somewhere special. Well of course I was on board for that. So we started driving to this 'special' place...and driving...and turning around...and driving some more. I kept asking if I could help but then he would get even more agitated. So I just sat back and tried to enjoy the ride.





Finally! We had made it to the special spot. It was a quaint golf course that him and his dad had visited when he was first stationed to the area. By the way he loved golfing which is why he chose a golf course for this special occasion. We walked to the little spot he had already picked out for us. It was the little island on the course surrounded by water. There was a bench sitting right in the middle.








We sat there talking, FREEZING.......and then silence. As i'm thinking to myself "what is going on" he started to stumble over his words telling how much he loved me and wanted to be with me forever....and then......it happened.....he got down on his knee and asked me to be HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forever and ever and ever!!!!!!!!!!!

...................Stay tuned for the next part of my journey............................

How does one share their life story in a small blog in a few short paragraphs??? Answer=IMPOSSIBLE








I have already shared little bits of it in pictures since I'm still trying to find all the words to put it all together. Someday there will be a book I promise but it will probably be years maybe decades before that ever happens!!!






The beginning is pretty easy...I was born to my wonderful parents, raised in a good CHRISTIAN home, went to a great bible-believing/preaching church, attended a christian school for THIRTEEN years,






..........and then life really began.






After graduating high school I prepared myself to go to a small college and when I say small I mean like the whole college would make up one class at Harvard!!!!






So I was ready to start this new journey in my adult life. I was going to be a great nurse someday and thought I had it all figured out!!! Boy. Was. I. Wrong.






Two full time jobs, one in retail (which is something I hope to never have to do again) and one to further my career in the medical field, and a full time student. Life was great!






The first month of school went by and I loved it all but one class but I figured I would get the hang of it sooner or later. Work was great! There was only one thing in my small life that wasn't going as promised to me! A boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The name of this person will stay confidential for his sake.





He promised me everything, the works. "Just do your two years of college and as soon as I graduate we will get married. We will move and I will start my career and you can start the nursing program and we will live happily ever after" is what he said to me for FOUR years. Well I started college and he only had two years left of his college experience and everything was falling apart! "Oh just wait for me", "Everything will change", I heard those words way to often. But what about me? What about what I wanted? Those questions were never asked.

So on a warm day in September, on my way to school for an evening class, in a long drawn out conversation on the phone I brought my questions to the table. They weren't taken very well I assure you. So with tears in my eyes and regret in my voice (at the time of course) I ended a four year on and off relationship. Oh and don't let me forget to tell you that years later I found out that in that four year relationship there were so many lies that had been kept from me that I didn't see coming!!!!






Let me tell you I was crushed, heart-broken. In my mind there was nothing better out there but this didn't make me happy either so I guess I would just be alone forever. Well I have a God better than that. One Who knows every little detail that will happen in my life. So i gave it to my God and told Him to teach me to be patient for whatever He had in store for me.






As we all know God works in His own time. So I pretty much had it in my mind that I could me be waiting for many years if that was what He wanted.






Well I am happy to tell you that it didn't take years or months not even weeks. Not even one whole week later I met him, the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, PRINCE CHARMING IN COMBAT BOOTS!!!!!!!

As I said before I had this great church that I went to and so did pretty much ALL the marines stationed at the marine base thirty minutes away. Trust me I'm not exaggerating, just ask any girl that ever went to the church!!!

So it was a peaceful Sunday evening and I snuck into the service a little late because of the retail job. It was a special service that evening with a great missionary presentation and good preaching. During the service my sweet mother kept looking at this guy. She said we had the same features and she thought he was so cute, which of course he was but that wasn't the point. After the service my mom kept saying go introduce yourself, I need a "new" marine son to take care of ( the current one was serving in iraq). I just shrugged it off and said no only because I was so scared to go up to him alone being the little innocent one I was!!! *sarcasm* Oh I better not forget to mention that a sunday pior to this my dearest oldest friend tried to introduce me to this same guy. What was so special about him? Gosh he's just another guy!

Apprently he had been paying attention to me without me even knowing because that same evening we were both on our way to our vehicles,which happened to parked right next to each other, TOTAL COINSODENCE and as I was putting my things in my car I heard a low deep voice...........

Come back tomorrow for more of my little life story.....

Potty Training.......

My little bug

So.....We have given the whole potty training thing another shot!! Difference from the first time is that its REALLY working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is actually getting it. A wise friend of mine helped me realize the first time around that since she was still nursing it was next to impossible to get her to do it, and boy was she right!

~~~~

I thought i was going to my parents this last weekend for a nice relaxing visit(which it was for the most part) when my mom came back from walmart with not just big girl panties, but MINNIE MOUSE panties!!!!!! And since our little princess is obsessed(a complete understatement) with mickey mouse and his friends you can imagine how ecstatic she was. Me: *HUGH SIGH* Not exactly what i had in mind.

So..... of course my mom had to put them on her and then had to put her on the potty. It had begun, there was no turning back.

Now don't get me wrong i want her trained trust me, but i had been planning to start as soon as our life settles down. Well my mother dear had it in her mind to start now!

~~~~~

First day, which i believe was monday since the few times she wore the panties during the weekend were complete failures, she went once.

Second day, tuesday. She went once before leaving to come home( a 2hr. drive) then two more times before bed. There was one accident in there somewhere. For day two i think she did pretty good!

~~~~~~

Day three, Wednesday. Yesterday was when we actually realized she was starting to get it. She had a few accidents but she went FIVE times on the potty, yes FIVE!!!! Before bedtime she even went in the bathroom all by herself and tried to get on the potty. A leg ended up getting stuck in the process but she tried, right?! We helped down and thought for sure she was just playing but put her on the potty anyway. Sure enough she went right away!!!!!! She actually knew what to do...my baby did it on her own;)

~~~~~

So here we are on day four, thursday. She went as soon as she got up this morning IN the potty and her diaper was much lighter than it usually is in the morning. Its still early but no accidents yet! Actually she is on the potty as we speak;) We still haven't had a #2 yet but my mom says its normal so we will see.

I will keep you all posted as to how the next few days go!

A little bit of Heaven

Today was a day that i will put in my little memory box to remember years from now. I'm sure most of you have had those days but i consider mine to be extra special!!! Why you ask? Well i have the privilege to experience life with not 2, or 3, but 4 generations.....Yes i have my granny, my momma, and my precious baby girl. I feel honored for my baby girl to have her noni and her granny so close to her. You don't hear very often anymore about people still having there grandparents let alone great grandparents!!!!

~~~~~

So anyway back to my day full of fun memories! We decided that since i don't live in the same town as my family anymore and because i am here visiting we should have a girl's day;) So we packed up in my granny's car and headed for our fun shopping trip! We had a few "important" stops we had to make first so after we finished those we decided to get some sustenance before we started the more "serious" shopping. So to Islands we went for some tuna sandwiches and their very own, from scratch, french fries...mmmm are they good. Then we made it to the mall with our bellies full ready to shop! We shopped and laughed and people watched(which we happen to be pros at) and boy did we see some sights!!!lol Then we shopped some more and there were more laughs. Oh and believe it or not my little kiddo was very well behaved....well at least to us!! I'm sure the people sitting in Barnes and Noble who were trying to quietly read and sip their coffee thought different but who cares right?! It could have been much worse people trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was truly a great day with the people in my life that i love the most. God has richly blessed me with a loving, caring mother, a silly, sweet, cozy granny, and a beautiful, ornery, smart, crazy, spoiled(with love that is), baby girl.

~~~~

So anyone who has the privilege of still having one or more of their grandparents, take every opportunity to spend time with them. Listen to all the wisdom and knowledge they have to give. I think we get to caught up in our own lives and comfortable with knowing that our grandparents are just right down the street or a few hours away that we take for granted how precious they really are and that they might not be with us tomorrow. So maybe you have a grandparent you need to call or go visit......You have know idea how that little gesture of love can affect them.

A little bit deeper......

To give you a visual.....

My present family

This is where it all began.......

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Frounfelker

A broken past.......

Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Payne




Only our Lord above new we would only have

four short months together as husband and wife.

Now in Heaven above

LCPL Matthew Nathanael Payne

December 13, 2005

sometimes pictures are easier to tell the story

then finding the words to share a broken heart.

A little about me

Well i don't even know where to start......the most important thing to know about me is that i'm a christian and i love the Lord. I desire to know Him and love Him to the fullest.

To start off i will share the life in which i live today....I married a wonderful man on Feb. 2, 2008 in Cleveland, Ohio on a blistery winter day. It was so beautiful;) We spent 7 romantic days in Hawaii where it is literally as close to paradise as you can get on earth. From going on a submarine down to the depths of the pacific, to having the humbling experience of seeing the remains of the sunken ship known as the USS Arizona, and going to a luau where we watched as they pulled the pig out of the fire pit that had been roasting all day(and let me tell you....it was sooooooooo juicy mmmmm i can taste it as i type) and did amazing dances that i will ONLY dream of doing lol, we also were able to see all the different polynesian cultures. I think one of our favorites though was going to the Dole Plantation and trying there Dole whip(OMG how DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Ok now that i have you all wishing you could be in beautiful Hawaii right now i will move on.

So, only ONE month after coming back to reality and settling into NORMAL married life we found out that in nine short months we would be welcoming our beautiful miracle into our life.
Oct. 27, 2008 we welcomed Kaitlynn Irhena Frounfelker into this world. There are no words to express the love i have for my angel. She definitely is a precious gift from our Lord. She is my bright little sunbeam thats peaks through the storm clouds every single day!

I think i have rambled long enough for one night plus my eyes keep trying to look at my eyelids....

New at this whole thing

Well i'm kinda new at this whole blogging thing. I have followed some of my friends' blogs for a few years now so i'm familiar with it in that way. so please bear with me as i venture out in trying to learn this whole thing!!!!!!