.............Ok so now where do I pick up..........................
I guess the next event that happened during that whole "season" of my life was meeting the man who would one day be husband.
July of 2006 I met him.....Thomas James Frounfelker.
Before I even begin I want everyone to know that WE DID NOT MEET ON MYSPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So like I had said before my sister and I had been meeting guys left and right and there had been a few times that myspace had been the route we took. Stupid, ridiculous, immature, ignorant, naive, and any other adjective you can think of.
Well Vanessa (my sister) was again on myspace browsing guys in the area and she found this cute guy that she thought looked nice so she added him as a friend and messaged him. This guy messaged back and so on and so forth. Apparently him and his friends were looking for a place that they could bbq for the 4th of July. So Vanessa told them of a few places and then had the 'great' idea to just invite them over to our house. To be quite honest this guy was super surprised that she did this but he was game. He had the really good idea to meet in a neutral place first to actually meet in person and make sure neither of them were axe murderers or anything like that. Soo she met them at a Denny's nearby and was introduced to the three greatest guys in the entire world! The loud, funny one named Matt, the quiet, smiley one Richie, and the shy, nervous, sit in the corner one TOM.
I had already paid for a hotel room and planned a whole week for myself and my family at the beach so I wasn't going to meet these guys.
They all hit it off so well that she planned to have them over a week later for dinner and so I could meet them.
We made them an awesome meal and then just waited for them to show up....and waited...and waited some more. It was like 9pm before they finally showed up all because of this Tom guy.
Dinner was finally eaten and we all just hung out around the table and talked. The guys were the nicest guys I had ever met. They were so funny and just really genuine. One had already been to Iraq, one was trying to go, and the other one was on his way in just a couple months, hence why they were so late!!!! Training, training, and more training.
In that evening we learned so much about these guys. I really found myself interested in the really shy one that wouldn't look you in the eye because he would then blush!!!!! Hehe
For some reason he was really interested in the Bible that was sitting on the table. I learned he was Lutheran and never really had a Bible like that. In talking about religion I also learned of the traumatic experience that brought him to that point in his life.
Before i go on I have to share something that I might have already mentioned in another post but I can't exactly remember!!!
After Matt died my best friend and I had prayed a prayer that to some people might seem a little weird. We prayed that if the Lord had another man for me in the future that he would have either been through the same kind of situation or something traumatic that we would be able to relate to. Kind of morbid I know but that was my prayer. In my mind I didn't think I could just be with a "normal" kind of guy that had never experienced some kind of loss or experience that would have changed him and his life.
Oh so you would like to know what I learned that night??? Well let me tell you!!!!!
He talked about his childhood and how he grew up. He talked about his siblings and his mom. Then his came his dad. A man I will never meet, converse with, call dad, joke with, get teased by, a man that will never be called grandpa by my daughter, a man we will see on a very special day!!!!!
*~~*
It was a normal week day in which normal tasks were taking place. Him and his dad had been remodeling the house for some time now and his dad decided today was a good day to paint an area that they had built. His mom was preparing dinner as usual, his brother was doing little boy things, and Tom had just got home from wrestling practice.
His dad had a history of having seizures. They believe something in the paint triggered one that day. He started have a seizure which then made him lose control of himself and he fell, if I'm not mistaken about 10ft. of the ground into a glass table. The table shattered and there were screams coming from the kitchen. Tom came running down the stairs to find his dad lying on the floor amongst glass and a huge pool of blood. His little brother went into shock and stood in a corner, his mom was just hysterical as you can imagine. She called 911 and Tom kept telling her to just stand back and calm down. Tom attended to his dad. He of course was unconscious but Tom just kept telling him everything was going to be ok and to hold on just a few more minutes. He did everything he could to stop the blood with his hands. He held his dads head together, literally. He was so calm and collected. The paramedics got there within minutes and loaded him up in the ambulance.
......................Stay tuned for more.................................
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Part 8
I quickly settled into my new home with my sister. My wonderful sister decided to move in with me so I would have a companion and boy am I thankful she did.
We had so much fun together. We would go shopping together, dinners out, bowling, movies, and the list goes on.
We definitely have some memories bowling!!!! The first time we went bowling together we went on base and in our minds we were just gonna bowl the two of us with no distractions.....Well if you have ever been on a Marine base you know otherwise!!!! So we bowled and had fun for a while but then these guys decided they needed to bowl right next to us......That night I had my first kiss since Matt and I hated myself the whole time!
This is when my life took a turn. Just one kiss changed everything.
I never saw that guy again or talked to him. A few weeks later I met another guy in "Applebees". This time I tried to hide my wedding ring. (How awful of me) Eventually the ring came off.
We started talking and he seemed nice.
A week later my sister and I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Texas to see Matt's best friend. I was so excited to see him!!! I hadn't seen him since that awful day. So in like think 13hrs. we got to Texas.
What was supposed to be an amazing week long trip turned into only a few days because of "this new guy". I started to realize he was a bit controlling and he told me I couldn't go out while I was there and told me I should come home early because I shouldn't be there.
Well the stupid broken girl that I was listened to him. Why??? I just wanted to be loved so if that meant doing what some stranger told me to do than I guess I was going to do it.
I came back home just in time to do Easter at my new house with all my family. I was really excited to host my family function.
I invited that "guy" because I wanted everyone to meet this person that I thought was just perfect! *gag me*
He ended up coming and literally staying for 5 minutes. He said it just didn't feel right being with my family since I was married and he figured they were judging him. Whatever!!!!!!!
But again I just wanted to be loved so I stuck it out with the guy a little bit longer. He would never let me talk about Matt because it freaked him out that I was married and apparently was a turn off!
Trying to date was next to impossible because as soon as I would tell a guy I was a widow, they would freeze up and then I wouldn't hear from them or they would tell me they didn't want anything serious just "friends with benefits"!!!!
End of April I went to Kentucky to see my "brother" and meet his parents. I also went to go to Thunder over Louisville because Matt had always told me how awesome it was and we had planned to go that year. You can imagine how excited I was.
As soon as I saw him in the airport I just ran into his arms. I needed to feel the love and strength from the only "big brother" I had ever had. He had also brought his girlfriend who is now his wife and it was really nice to meet her.
Every day I was there was so fun but the nights were the worst because that "guy" was telling me I shouldn't be there and telling me everything I should be doing.
We went to Thunder over Louisville and it was amazing! I have never seen so many fireworks in my life. I cried the entire time! I could actually feel the boom in my chest. I felt like Matt was standing right next to me the whole time just as we planned. It was a happy and sad moment all in one and my brother's girlfriend was the sweetest person because she just held me in her arms the whole time and let me cry.
After that amazing trip I came back to reality and also finally realized what an idiot I was for keeping this guy around. I told him that I wasn't the type of girl that would conform to what he wanted and I wouldn't be controlled or told what to do. I told him I wasn't the person for him and we should go our separate ways, which was pretty easy considering he had just moved back to his home town in another state.
It wasn't long before there was another guy. I made the biggest mistake with that one and to this day wish I could take it back. That one choice had a domino effect!
I had become so bitter toward God and anything that was associated to it that I went the completely other direction. I didn't want to go to church anymore but I did every once in awhile to make my mom happy. It was hard to be around my best friend because her life seemed perfect and she always brought God into the conversations and I just didn't want to hear it anymore.
Within five months I had become my worst nightmare. The only way I can explain it is that my head and my heart disconnected. I didn't care, I didn't think about the consequences. I gave myself to guys in ways I can never get back, I had become the highlight of conversation in certain areas, I had my phone number being past around barracks without my knowledge, and along the way brought my sister down with me. You have NO idea how horrible I feel about that every day because I could have saved her from so much if I was the sister I should have been. Instead she was put through situations where she had to be like a mother to me. There were nights I was so wasted that she or some guy had to carry me to the car and on the way home she would have to force me to eat something to absorb everything in my body. I can say that I never did try a drug in all those months but alcohol had become my best friend. It numbed my body and my feelings.
Am I proud of any of this? Absolutely not! Was any of it right? In no way was it. Was I hurting? YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I trying to fill a void? You better believe it!
I was trying to find something to fill that hole in my chest and instead I filled it with scar after scar. I think one of the worst scars I have is someone "having" me without my consent. It was very scary and has affected me for life. Honestly I am very lucky to just be alive but more than that I'm lucky I have no diseases or children out of the foolishness I engaged in. God is a loving, gracious God and He spared from so much pain. The scars will be there forever and no matter how hard I try to forget everything I have done it is all still there. I wish so badly I could take it all back but I know that everything that has happened had brought me to where I am today.
~**********~
My Lord has forgiven me for hurt I have caused Him and if anyone that had any hurt through this I pray you will forgive me as well. It is very hard to open up about the horrible things you do it life and I have buried it all so deep down that talking about this opens those wounds all over again. If anyone has been offended in reading this part of my journey I apologize but its life, its my life and if I'm going to write the whole journey I can't leave out any part of it.
...........................................Part 9 is up next.........................................
We had so much fun together. We would go shopping together, dinners out, bowling, movies, and the list goes on.
We definitely have some memories bowling!!!! The first time we went bowling together we went on base and in our minds we were just gonna bowl the two of us with no distractions.....Well if you have ever been on a Marine base you know otherwise!!!! So we bowled and had fun for a while but then these guys decided they needed to bowl right next to us......That night I had my first kiss since Matt and I hated myself the whole time!
This is when my life took a turn. Just one kiss changed everything.
I never saw that guy again or talked to him. A few weeks later I met another guy in "Applebees". This time I tried to hide my wedding ring. (How awful of me) Eventually the ring came off.
We started talking and he seemed nice.
A week later my sister and I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Texas to see Matt's best friend. I was so excited to see him!!! I hadn't seen him since that awful day. So in like think 13hrs. we got to Texas.
What was supposed to be an amazing week long trip turned into only a few days because of "this new guy". I started to realize he was a bit controlling and he told me I couldn't go out while I was there and told me I should come home early because I shouldn't be there.
Well the stupid broken girl that I was listened to him. Why??? I just wanted to be loved so if that meant doing what some stranger told me to do than I guess I was going to do it.
I came back home just in time to do Easter at my new house with all my family. I was really excited to host my family function.
I invited that "guy" because I wanted everyone to meet this person that I thought was just perfect! *gag me*
He ended up coming and literally staying for 5 minutes. He said it just didn't feel right being with my family since I was married and he figured they were judging him. Whatever!!!!!!!
But again I just wanted to be loved so I stuck it out with the guy a little bit longer. He would never let me talk about Matt because it freaked him out that I was married and apparently was a turn off!
Trying to date was next to impossible because as soon as I would tell a guy I was a widow, they would freeze up and then I wouldn't hear from them or they would tell me they didn't want anything serious just "friends with benefits"!!!!
End of April I went to Kentucky to see my "brother" and meet his parents. I also went to go to Thunder over Louisville because Matt had always told me how awesome it was and we had planned to go that year. You can imagine how excited I was.
As soon as I saw him in the airport I just ran into his arms. I needed to feel the love and strength from the only "big brother" I had ever had. He had also brought his girlfriend who is now his wife and it was really nice to meet her.
Every day I was there was so fun but the nights were the worst because that "guy" was telling me I shouldn't be there and telling me everything I should be doing.
We went to Thunder over Louisville and it was amazing! I have never seen so many fireworks in my life. I cried the entire time! I could actually feel the boom in my chest. I felt like Matt was standing right next to me the whole time just as we planned. It was a happy and sad moment all in one and my brother's girlfriend was the sweetest person because she just held me in her arms the whole time and let me cry.
After that amazing trip I came back to reality and also finally realized what an idiot I was for keeping this guy around. I told him that I wasn't the type of girl that would conform to what he wanted and I wouldn't be controlled or told what to do. I told him I wasn't the person for him and we should go our separate ways, which was pretty easy considering he had just moved back to his home town in another state.
It wasn't long before there was another guy. I made the biggest mistake with that one and to this day wish I could take it back. That one choice had a domino effect!
I had become so bitter toward God and anything that was associated to it that I went the completely other direction. I didn't want to go to church anymore but I did every once in awhile to make my mom happy. It was hard to be around my best friend because her life seemed perfect and she always brought God into the conversations and I just didn't want to hear it anymore.
Within five months I had become my worst nightmare. The only way I can explain it is that my head and my heart disconnected. I didn't care, I didn't think about the consequences. I gave myself to guys in ways I can never get back, I had become the highlight of conversation in certain areas, I had my phone number being past around barracks without my knowledge, and along the way brought my sister down with me. You have NO idea how horrible I feel about that every day because I could have saved her from so much if I was the sister I should have been. Instead she was put through situations where she had to be like a mother to me. There were nights I was so wasted that she or some guy had to carry me to the car and on the way home she would have to force me to eat something to absorb everything in my body. I can say that I never did try a drug in all those months but alcohol had become my best friend. It numbed my body and my feelings.
Am I proud of any of this? Absolutely not! Was any of it right? In no way was it. Was I hurting? YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I trying to fill a void? You better believe it!
I was trying to find something to fill that hole in my chest and instead I filled it with scar after scar. I think one of the worst scars I have is someone "having" me without my consent. It was very scary and has affected me for life. Honestly I am very lucky to just be alive but more than that I'm lucky I have no diseases or children out of the foolishness I engaged in. God is a loving, gracious God and He spared from so much pain. The scars will be there forever and no matter how hard I try to forget everything I have done it is all still there. I wish so badly I could take it all back but I know that everything that has happened had brought me to where I am today.
~**********~
My Lord has forgiven me for hurt I have caused Him and if anyone that had any hurt through this I pray you will forgive me as well. It is very hard to open up about the horrible things you do it life and I have buried it all so deep down that talking about this opens those wounds all over again. If anyone has been offended in reading this part of my journey I apologize but its life, its my life and if I'm going to write the whole journey I can't leave out any part of it.
...........................................Part 9 is up next.........................................
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Part 7
We boarded the plane and headed for California. There were so many couples on that plane and in the airports all so happy and excited to get to their destinations for the holidays. I was so jealous.....
We landed and got off the plane. As I walked out of terminal I was so nervous because I knew there were going to be family and friends waiting at the gate to greet us. I knew this meant it would make everything real for my family and that made it that much harder for me.
Everyone greeted us with smiles and tears. We hugged and cried and headed home.
The next person I had to face was my daddy! He wasn't able to be with me because someone had to hold down the fort and try to keep things normal but he ended up getting sick because of all the stress so that left my sister to do everything!
When I walked through the door he just hugged me and didn't want to let go. It was so nice to feel his arms around me;)
The next day I had to face everyone at church which was torture but I went because my mom asked me to go. Luckily after the service we able to hide out in the pastor's office so I wasn't bombarded with people and questions.
The next week was Christmas. It was the worst Christmas written in history....well at least my history book! I not only had to open gifts given to me but I also had to open gifts that were for Matt or for the both of us. I did try to make the best of it for my family.
After new years my parents went on a cruise that they had planned months before and I encouraged them to still go and enjoy themselves. Everyone couldn't stop their lives just because mine did, right?!
Once February came around I decided it was time for me to go back to the place I once called home. At least for a couple months to get things in order and spend some time with Matt's family.
So right before my 20th birthday I left all my stability and went back to "my home". My Granny flew back with me so I wouldn't have to do it alone.
My in-laws picked us up at the airport and it was really nice to see them.
The plan was to take us to my house but when we pulled up in the driveway the first thing I saw was his truck.....I immediately started crying hysterically. My first thought was that he was home but of course he wasn't. I didn't even want to get out of the car. So we ended up going to my in-laws house and stayed the night there.
The next morning we drove back over to my house and I had to finally face the empty house I was once called my home.
I walked in and it was so cold and quiet. Everything was exactly as how I left it. I was ok until I walked into my bedroom. The room that shared so many special moments. I just lost it and fell on the bed and gripped his pillow. My granny just sat there and comforted me.
My granny only stayed a couple days and then we had to take her back to the airport. After she left I felt all alone again. You may ask why I felt alone when I had my in-laws right down the street......Well the way I grieved wasn't really excepted and I think looking back now I can see that they were just really hurting and took a lot of it out on me. So yes I felt alone with no one to really understand what I was feeling or going through.
However, one of my sister-in-laws did move in with me so I didn't have to be alone at night. On those nights that I couldn't sleep and my sis-in-law had to work, Matt's best friend was great at being there for me and talking to me all night long. I really appreciated it as felt that he actually understood me. That wasn't taken very well either by some of Matt's family because they thought it was inappropriate to be talking to him late at night and because I was still "married". Well I'm here to tell you that those conversations helped me so much and we were just friends.
In the two months I was there my days consisted of shopping, shopping,and more shopping. For me shopping was my "out". It made me feel better for the moment but the feeling would wear off so I would have to do it again. Plus I didn't like being in the house alone during the day so I would go out. There were times when I did stay home and something would come in the mail or I would see a picture or recall a memory and I would just cry and then I would get angry and scream and throw things. I hated feeling that way so I did things to keep my mind off of it. THIS WAS NOT HEALTHY AT ALL. I don't recommend it for anyone dealing with a death or any other type of loss. Grieve however you need to, so if that means throwing things or screaming than do it!
The end of February my sister came out for a visit. I drove to Wichita, Kansas to pick her up and we stayed there for the night. We went out to the club that Matt and I would go to when we were there. It was fun. The next day we drove back to Boonville.
I had been really thinking about moving back home to California so it was really nice to have someone to talk to about it that would see it from my point of view. So I discussed it with my sister and we decided that it would probably be best for me if I move as soon as possible. I asked her if she would be with me when I told my in-laws because I knew it would be hard for them. She agreed to it of course.
On that Sunday evening before church I sat and talked to them. I told them my plans and asked them to please support me. I knew it was going to be hard to except but I needed to do what was best for me. My mother-in-law asked me if she could help pack things and I told her I had already asked my parents to come and help me with that because I knew I couldn't do it and I told her I didn't think it would be a good idea if she was there either because it would just make it harder for both of us. I didn't want to go through his stuff I just wanted to pack it up and not think about it.
Middle of March my parents came in and we(pretty much my mom) packed everything up. My in-laws decided to leave for the weekend and not say goodbye because they said it was to hard.
The u-haul was packed and we were off. We arrived in my home town a few days later. The moment I arrived in California I decided that I was done being sad and crying and just grieving in general. I was going to start a new chapter in my life and forget about my past.
I stayed with my parents for three days and then found a house in town to rent. I moved in right away. A few days later my best friend had her first baby and I was right next to her to welcome him into this world. It was so amazing! I was so happy for her and her husband but I couldn't help but feel jealous and sad. She had everything I wanted. I envied her life.
..........................Next part of the journey.....Well just stay tuned............................
We landed and got off the plane. As I walked out of terminal I was so nervous because I knew there were going to be family and friends waiting at the gate to greet us. I knew this meant it would make everything real for my family and that made it that much harder for me.
Everyone greeted us with smiles and tears. We hugged and cried and headed home.
The next person I had to face was my daddy! He wasn't able to be with me because someone had to hold down the fort and try to keep things normal but he ended up getting sick because of all the stress so that left my sister to do everything!
When I walked through the door he just hugged me and didn't want to let go. It was so nice to feel his arms around me;)
The next day I had to face everyone at church which was torture but I went because my mom asked me to go. Luckily after the service we able to hide out in the pastor's office so I wasn't bombarded with people and questions.
The next week was Christmas. It was the worst Christmas written in history....well at least my history book! I not only had to open gifts given to me but I also had to open gifts that were for Matt or for the both of us. I did try to make the best of it for my family.
After new years my parents went on a cruise that they had planned months before and I encouraged them to still go and enjoy themselves. Everyone couldn't stop their lives just because mine did, right?!
Once February came around I decided it was time for me to go back to the place I once called home. At least for a couple months to get things in order and spend some time with Matt's family.
So right before my 20th birthday I left all my stability and went back to "my home". My Granny flew back with me so I wouldn't have to do it alone.
My in-laws picked us up at the airport and it was really nice to see them.
The plan was to take us to my house but when we pulled up in the driveway the first thing I saw was his truck.....I immediately started crying hysterically. My first thought was that he was home but of course he wasn't. I didn't even want to get out of the car. So we ended up going to my in-laws house and stayed the night there.
The next morning we drove back over to my house and I had to finally face the empty house I was once called my home.
I walked in and it was so cold and quiet. Everything was exactly as how I left it. I was ok until I walked into my bedroom. The room that shared so many special moments. I just lost it and fell on the bed and gripped his pillow. My granny just sat there and comforted me.
My granny only stayed a couple days and then we had to take her back to the airport. After she left I felt all alone again. You may ask why I felt alone when I had my in-laws right down the street......Well the way I grieved wasn't really excepted and I think looking back now I can see that they were just really hurting and took a lot of it out on me. So yes I felt alone with no one to really understand what I was feeling or going through.
However, one of my sister-in-laws did move in with me so I didn't have to be alone at night. On those nights that I couldn't sleep and my sis-in-law had to work, Matt's best friend was great at being there for me and talking to me all night long. I really appreciated it as felt that he actually understood me. That wasn't taken very well either by some of Matt's family because they thought it was inappropriate to be talking to him late at night and because I was still "married". Well I'm here to tell you that those conversations helped me so much and we were just friends.
In the two months I was there my days consisted of shopping, shopping,and more shopping. For me shopping was my "out". It made me feel better for the moment but the feeling would wear off so I would have to do it again. Plus I didn't like being in the house alone during the day so I would go out. There were times when I did stay home and something would come in the mail or I would see a picture or recall a memory and I would just cry and then I would get angry and scream and throw things. I hated feeling that way so I did things to keep my mind off of it. THIS WAS NOT HEALTHY AT ALL. I don't recommend it for anyone dealing with a death or any other type of loss. Grieve however you need to, so if that means throwing things or screaming than do it!
The end of February my sister came out for a visit. I drove to Wichita, Kansas to pick her up and we stayed there for the night. We went out to the club that Matt and I would go to when we were there. It was fun. The next day we drove back to Boonville.
I had been really thinking about moving back home to California so it was really nice to have someone to talk to about it that would see it from my point of view. So I discussed it with my sister and we decided that it would probably be best for me if I move as soon as possible. I asked her if she would be with me when I told my in-laws because I knew it would be hard for them. She agreed to it of course.
On that Sunday evening before church I sat and talked to them. I told them my plans and asked them to please support me. I knew it was going to be hard to except but I needed to do what was best for me. My mother-in-law asked me if she could help pack things and I told her I had already asked my parents to come and help me with that because I knew I couldn't do it and I told her I didn't think it would be a good idea if she was there either because it would just make it harder for both of us. I didn't want to go through his stuff I just wanted to pack it up and not think about it.
Middle of March my parents came in and we(pretty much my mom) packed everything up. My in-laws decided to leave for the weekend and not say goodbye because they said it was to hard.
The u-haul was packed and we were off. We arrived in my home town a few days later. The moment I arrived in California I decided that I was done being sad and crying and just grieving in general. I was going to start a new chapter in my life and forget about my past.
I stayed with my parents for three days and then found a house in town to rent. I moved in right away. A few days later my best friend had her first baby and I was right next to her to welcome him into this world. It was so amazing! I was so happy for her and her husband but I couldn't help but feel jealous and sad. She had everything I wanted. I envied her life.
..........................Next part of the journey.....Well just stay tuned............................
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)