December # 6

Its December. The month I dread every year. Its been almost six years and this year seems to be harder than last year.

Maybe its because I'm starting a whole new life here in Texas so a lot of little memories have been surfacing of when Matt and I moved to Missouri. You see, this is mine and Tom's first 'real' move away from family. I haven't lived outside of California since I moved back almost six years ago so I have always had my family to hold me close and support me during this time of year.

Maybe its because we are settled now and I have a lot of time now to think about my life and how different things are going to be now. Training, deployments, and such. So nervousness is setting is as well.

Or maybe its that Matt's sister just had her second baby and it is a little boy who they have named after him. I have watched all the little videos of this new beginning of theirs and am so happy for them but can't help but look at all the videos and pictures and think of all Matt is missing. I know he would have loved these to precious angels his sisters has now and I know how much he loved kids so he would have been a great uncle. And then part of me wishing I could have a small part in their lives to share the part of their uncle with them that I hold so dear.

Through all of this though, I have a wonderful husband who is focusing so much on helping me through all of this 'stuff' this year. I know he feels as though he isn't doing a good enough job but what he doesn't realize is that him just sitting and holding me and giving the little kiss on my forehead is all I really need right now. I just need to know I'm loved and that my feelings are being taken care of and he really is doing just that!

So as I struggle through this month I ask anyone who reads this to please just say a little prayer for me. My family needs me and I want to make this year special since it will just be the three of us for Christmas, but I sure am feeling weak in the strength department.